After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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