grandma shit on top of the toilet
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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