note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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