nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
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as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
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Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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