i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
God I need to hump something, right now.
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