this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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