If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
