My friends, they love my intelligence
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The air taste purple.
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