Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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