Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
