We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
