I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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