You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
