So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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