My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
