Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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