He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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