Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
