nut hugger
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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