I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
