I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
