you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
