Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
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Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
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HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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