I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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