..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
