addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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