shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
