I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
