I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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