I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
