I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and she was petting her beer can
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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