somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
