Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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