New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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