oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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