He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
