Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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