So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
