i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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