I'm gonna have a badass scar
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
