it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
