i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
