im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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