I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
