I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
