Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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