Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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