Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
