The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
