god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
