I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We need to get me chipped asap
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
