And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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