She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
