i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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