He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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