OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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