i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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