Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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