Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
