Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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