Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
