when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
